Recently my pastor told me that any great captain takes into account unforeseen weather patterns and expects to make detours along the way. As I sat and contemplated this, peace flooded my heart. Because if I have learned anything from this past season of recovery, it is the following:
A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure. Proverbs 16:9
We make plans. We have grand dreams and bright ideas. And…we…make…plans.
For example, I have longed to be a mother since I was in my twenties. I have wanted to adopt children that have no home or family and provide them love and care and support. Thankfully when I got married, I married a man that had the same desire to have a family and is willing to adopt children.
We have been married for seven and a half years now and over the last few years the desire to adopt has gotten stronger and it seems like the momentum is gaining. Last fall we saw a young girl on a Christian adoption site that captured our hearts, so we began to pursue, not necessarily adopting her, but adopting a child by using this agency.
Everything seemed to be clicking right along when the unexpected happened and I fell. The fall on January 31 caused a concussion, which at the time of this writing, I am still recovering from. No one can explain why the symptoms have been so extreme, but it happened, and I have had to learn how to live in the moment and let everything go.
Completing adoption forms and home studies became much too hard. I couldn’t think straight (literally) and reading that much information caused the most intense headaches. We tried completing the forms, much like I have worked on this blog; in increments of fifteen minutes here and fifteen minutes there. But, it didn’t work. It required too much concentration.
Then, during the spring, in addition to meeting bi-monthly with my sports medicine doctor to analyze my recovery, my husband and I were also meeting with my cancer surgeon and plastic surgeon to discuss my reconstruction options for the summer.
That had been the plan…to get a “normal” body back this summer; to close the door on the cancer chapter of our lives. But like I shared earlier…plans.change.
The surgery that we elected to have is called a DIEP procedure. I was not a candidate for implants, so this was our option. It is what we wanted anyhow because the doctor uses your own tissue instead of inserting a foreign object into your body – and that is what was right for us. However, the surgery is very intensive, lasting at least eight hours and the recovery time is at least eight weeks long. Because I teach, I have to have the surgery in the summer.
After prayer, pastoral counsel, and discussion, my husband and I decided to put the adoption on hold until the fall. It was so difficult to fill out the information AND we knew that I would have an intense road to recovery over the summer. The agency was completely understanding and very supportive.
Then, the closer it got to my surgery date, the more unsure I became about having the procedure at this time, so we talked to our doctors about it. They said I could go ahead and have surgery, but because I was still dealing with symptoms from a concussion, it would make what was going to be a difficult recovery, much more intense with nausea, headaches, and dizziness. (Oh yes, sign me up for that, please! Uh, no thank you!!)
So, once again, plans have changed after prayer, counsel, and communication. We decided to give my body the summer to completely heal from the concussion and have reconstruction next summer.
It wasn’t an easy decision, on one hand. I knew that we would not pick adoption back up until I recovered from the reconstructive surgery, because what type of compassionate person adopts a child knowing that she will be completely out of commission for two months. We believe I need to be thriving and vibrant when we bring a child into our family. He/She deserves the BEST mom I can be.
While it is emotionally hard for me, I know in my spirit that this is what is right and what God has deemed best. He has used our circumstances to teach me how to let things go and know that HE has got this. He has shown His goodness and mercy to me throughout my whole life, time and time again. I can (and do) trust Him!
In my minds eye, I see a picture of a young girl clinging to a dum-dum lollipop. She is fighting to keep it when all the while her dad is holding behind his back one of those super swirly HUGE lollipops, and he wants to give that to her. See how RIDICULOUS it is for her to keep the teeny, tiny lollipop when her dad has something even better in store?
We can rest in the fact that God is diligently working behind the scenes on our behalf. We just have to learn how to let go of things and trust Him. So, as you take time today to BeLoved Completely, ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart. Is there anything that you are grasping? If so, let it go and trust in the One who created you!
With love, Kim
If this post has helped you, you may want to read (or reread) the article I wrote titled, “A Road Trip To The Lake.”